I have a clear recollection of waking up on the day R and I got married wishing that the next 18 hours would go as slowly as possible. M triggers this same wish. I liken her to a very addictive drug - under her influence I alternate between feeling totally euphoric and goofy and, later, bleary eyed and emotional - and I'm always begging for more. In the haze of this see-saw (or roller coaster) it's easy to forget that within a few months her elaborate gibberish will be a distant memory and we'll fold up and stash away her "tiny" clothes that looked so big just a year ago. I try, as much as possible, to slow it down. But how can I, when much of what makes these moments so painfully delicious IS their fleetingness. And, as our baby becomes an opinionated toddler, and sleeping (more) through the night results in an earlier "morning", and her struggle to communicate turns into a screaming and biting tantrum, and how long have I been wearing this yogurt on my shoulder? ...sometimes the slowing-it-down mantra seems like it got lodged under the sofa.
One goal of this blog is to give structure to living in the present, living up to the opportunity and responsibility of enjoying my life. Maybe I've gone off the deep end, but right now I can't think of anything more important.
It's funny how with enjoying life, you would think it comes naturally right? But it doesn't always work out that way. It seems to take practice. I like the idea that blogging is a good way to give yourself some structure to practice within.
ReplyDeleteindeed! kind of sad - but hey, whatever works. Practice. How do we raise kids who don't need to practice this?
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