Nostalgia Hurts

old chair, good intentions

new chair, all better

We recently got a new chair for M's room.  It's an incredibly comfortable upholstered rocking chair.  It replaces a wood and leather rocking chair from my childhood.  Getting a new chair was something I had been thinking about for awhile but resisted since I really love the nostalgic significance of the old chair and also how it looks.  And, I kept saying to myself that M was already (insert 9 months old, 1 year, 18 months... and therefore) almost past the need for a comfortable chair (far from the truth).  However, it became difficult to deny that certain features of the old chair were becoming distinctly adversarial.  For one, as M got bigger, we had to pad up the seat with layers of pillows to shorten the distance to the arms of the chair so I could cradle her body comfortably above them (see some of the padding 'here').  I think the arms still bothered her since she began to kick them during our bedtime snuggles.  Small bruises started showing up on her legs.  As she got sleepier, she would slump down between my legs, with her feet touching the floor and head resting on my knee - anything to get away from the hard surfaces of the chair.  A final straw was when we started to find the little upholstery tacks on the floor - was she pulling them out, were they falling out??  The mom of one of M's friends found one - yikes!

The new chair came last week and we haven't looked back.  It's amazing.  There is room for M to actually sit next to me (which she loves to do) and when I hold her the chair actually seems to help with the holding.  She no longer tries to wriggle out and she likes to sit there by herself and read books too.

In case you are wondering, the old chair returned to my mom's house and M did not give it a second glance.

If this sounds like a long winded way of justifying a purchase, I can't argue.  However, the obvious metaphors were kind of hard to ignore.  Hanging on to the past can hurt, it's tough to make a change - but there's no reason to hurt and sometimes change can be surprisingly easy and extremely rewarding.

Recently, I've been more aware of the natural lamenting that goes on with change - that it wasn't done sooner - and the beating up on oneself that can happen because of this - and the weird twisted bit that makes not changing a way to reassure oneself that things are being done right (avoiding the beating).  I did say twisted.  Ok, enough peeking into my brain.  Night night.